A Discouraging Advent

As I do every year, I end my liturgical year with resolutions to have a holy, Spirit-filled Advent. I plan on lighting my Advent wreath every evening in family prayer. I intend to set aside much time to pray everyday, and I promise to be at peace and leisure in my preparations for Christmas. No stress, no chaos, just prayer and peaceful discernment before the coming of Our Lord.

Of course, like secular New Year's resolutions, my Advent ones are usually broken. Truthfully, my Advent has been incredibly discouraging, and I have noticed the same effect on many people surrounding me. It just seems that all these roadblocks to my peaceful Advent keep popping up, and these roadblocks seem to have sucked all the prayerful-peaceful-leisurly spirit out of me.

My motivation to pray has been clouded over by school parties, and days of everything-going-wrong while putting up our decorations and lights (since when did Murphy's law apply to Christmas trees?). I haven't even begun my Christmas letters yet, nor have I finished Christmas shopping, so the weekend will be jam packed with stressful obligations. There have been so many well-intentioned, charitable requests from the moms club I'm in, the religious education program, the parish giving tree, my oldest son's elementary school, and my husband's staff at work, but we haven't done anything for any of them because I was too overwhelmed by all the requests. Of course, if I had my life and home in order the way I should have, then I could've foregone the overwhelmed feelings and truly experienced the giving nature of Christmas.

Discouraging. Frustrating. Stressful. Overwhelmed. Despairing. Advent is supposed to be a time of praying in preparation for Christmas, not praying for it to just be over.

I turn my eyes upward to the sky and vent, "Lord, I'm trying to be part of a "good Catholic family" this year. Why does is seem that everything is going wrong?"

Then my thoughts turn to the Holy Family. What were they experiencing during their Advent?

And Joseph too went up from Galilee from the town of Nazareth to Judea, to the city of David that is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, to be enrolled with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child. While they were there, the time came for her to have her child, and she gave birth to her firstborn son. She wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. Matthew 2:4-7

So here we have a pregnant mama who has to pack everything up and set out on a donkey (of all ways to travel) with her husband walking beside her to go be enrolled in a census. A census? I would be saying, "Lord, the most important moment in history, as well as in my life, is about to occur and I have to deal with a census?!"

Then to top it off, they get to this little hole-in-the-wall town and can't get a hotel room. Of course this is the perfect time for mama to go into labor. When a place is found, it's where the rest of the people, all nice and cozy in their hotel rooms, keep their animals (you mean more time with the donkey?)

Discouraging. Frustrating. Stressful. Overwhelmed. Sound familiar? One difference: no despairing.

Here is where I am different from our blessed pregnant mama. Mary didn't allow her discouragment and stress to overcome her. She didn't lose a virtuous bone in her body as a result of too many obstacles. She didn't throw her hands up in the air, complain, or whine and pout that the birth of her first baby has been ruined. In fact, did she say anything at all? Or was enough said when she brought forth Jesus into this world?

Most good things come after a time of struggle. Why do I keep getting it in my head that Christmas is any different? What made me think that the way to prepare for Christmas was to rest, relax, light my candles, and easily pen out my Christmas cards while Christmas music plays softly in the background, and my children color Christmas pictures quietly all snug in pajamas and slippers? Why did I think my prayer-time should come easy, with no effort? Why did I think that in order for me to achieve peace, it meant my life and all it's happenings would just stop?

And not that these stressful activities I have been experienceing are the struggles that are necessary for us during Advent. On the contrary, the struggle we should be experiencing is the climbing over these roadblocks with a disciplined prayer-life and quiet focus, just as Mary and Joseph did. We should not let the complications cloud our vision of what we are intended to do- bring Jesus into the world.

Advent is a time for preparation. It's supposed to be a struggle to get to the joy of Christmas. The Holy Family demonstrated that very clearly to us. I hope that in this last week of Advent, I can unite my struggles and frustrations to the ones they experienced before Jesus came. I hope to use the virtues Mary and Joseph possessed to overcome the roadblocks and to persevere in prayer. As a result, on Christmas morning, I hope I am not merely glad that the holidays are soon to be over, but that I am truly rejoicing that Jesus has been borne into the world, in my home, and in my heart.