My True Self for 2005
When I fail in my efforts towards health or holiness, I often use the excuse "that's just not ME". It isn't in my personality to enjoy exercise. The person I am LOVES to eat, and eat a lot. I just can't "find it in me" to have a disciplined prayer life. When I make the effort to do something to improve myself, I often fail and use the excuse "I feel so fake."
I had a priest tell me one time that the statement "I feel so fake", is one of the biggest lies Satan attacks us with on our spiritual journey. When something doesn't come naturally, we tend to assume that it means we aren't supposed to do it. Nothing could be more wrong.
When we strive towards perfection, and struggle to improve ourselves, we are actually utilizing the gifts and graces God has given us to become closer to our true selves. We are not supposed to remain our base selves that come so easily. We have tendencies and vices that come naturally, but forget that God always intended for us to be supernatural beings. "...in the image of God he created them..." Genesis 1:27.
That "fake" feeling we experience is more than mere discomfort at doing something new. It is Satan's manipulation in us so that we will cease in our journey toward Heaven. Recognizing that is the first step in overcoming it.
So, my resolution is that when I don't feel like getting up and exercising in the morning, I will remeber that my true self is someone who desires to be healthy and take care of my body. When I can't seem to enter into any prayertime, I will try and re-focus and go to God as I truly am, even if I can only muster up a heartfelt "God, I don't feel like praying. Please draw me closer to you." When I think about how I would rather do adult things and take care of household things rather than play Candyland with my kids, I will remember that my true self is a mother who wants her children to feel valued and important.
And when I feel too lazy to floss before bedtime, I will remember that my true self has beautiful, clean, white teeth!