false humility

Penni's post on self-depracation has got me thinking about my own struggle with this topic, and the notion of false humility. A piece of my comment to her on this subject was:

I used to also deflect compliments by saying, "Oh, no, i really don't look that good" or some other kind of insult. I was told that insulting oneself in any way, even humorous, if the intention is to not seem prideful is actually not humble, it is FALSE humility. That stung me, but the person later explained that humility is not appearing less than you are, but that it is seeing oneself exactly as God sees them, no more, no less. If we try and make ourselves appear less than what we really are, that is wrong in the same way that inflating ourselves to be more than what we are is. That is why what one commenter above said is so true, that oftentimes the BEST, and holiest, thing to do is to reply with a simple "thank you".

If being humble means we have to take an honest look at our faults, then it must also include taking an honest look at our gifts and talents. If we sometimes must condemn ourselves for our wrongs, then we must also be willing to praise ourselves for what we do right.

As a parent, I am always trying to balance myself between scolding my children and affirming them. Yet with myself, I am much more comfortable with constant reproach than with praise.

The danger with repraoching myself too much is that when God calls me to put to use any gifts or talents He has given me, I lack the confidence to do so.

And if I really contemplate it, insulting myself too much, or being hyper-critical of my faults, is a slap in the face to my Creator. If we say everything God makes is beautiful, we have to accept that same fact about ourselves.

I have also found that with those who struggle on the flip side of the coin, praising themselves without ever evaluating the areas that need improvement, I have very critical, harsh judgments about them. Why do I favor insults or reprimands so much more than praise or affirmation? An inordinate amount of either isn't good. Why do I see too much of one being worse than the other?

Maybe it is because we as Catholics value martyrdom so highly. But the whole point of being a martyr is that they who are considered so have done heroic acts of sacrifice for the faith, to the death. If we are constantly trying to make ourselves martyrs with less-than-heroic depracations of ourselves, then it lessens the value of true martyrdom, don't you think?