The Predominant Fault

Last night I was so blessed to be able to attend a Fransiscan prayer group started by some close friends. I hadn't been to a prayer group in so long, and was hoping to merely receive some great fellowship. But I recevied so many realizations from God as to what I need to do with my spiritual life, and I am now anticipating Lent with a whole new fervor.

We read a selection from the book To Live As Francis Lived: A Guide for Secular Franciscans. We read Ch. 14, which was titled The Sacrament of Reconciliation. One section of this chapter titled Predominant Fault discussed how each of us have personalities and characteristics that define who we are to those around us and to ourselves. If we ask others to desribe us, they usually can list off particular things about us: perfectionistic, funny, relaxed, intelligent, understanding, emotional, etc. Whatever characteristic it is that people primarily attribute to us can be expressed in either good ways or bad. The point of this section was that we need to figure out what our primary characteristics are and then we will begin to notice that most of our sinful behavior stems from this characteristic.

For example, if someone is described as a perfectionist, then he can display that quality in great ways (an orderly life, disciplined in prayer, excellent work habits, etc), and it can also be the source of his most frequently sinful behavior. For example, he may be very critical and judmental of others. He may be too harsh with his children. He may feel prideful over the thought of going to Reconciliation.

I think this is very true. Take my husband for example: he asked me what I thought was his predominant characteristic and I pointed out that he was easy-going. And sure enough, this theory rang true. On the good side, he is very fun to be around, he is very compassionate and non-judgemental, he is easy to talk to, etc. However, he can be very undisciplined in his life, particularly in his prayer-life, and he can also be lazy in his daily routine. This characteristic in him really is the basis for some of his most sinful or imperfect behavior.

Now I was reading this reflection and I began to wonder what my characteristic was. To be honest, I didn't know. What God revealed to me was that I have really packed my life in with lots of stuff and have made no time for self-knowledge and reflection. I get myself so busy with the kids and my household duties and fill up any other free time with reading fiction, watching TV, being on the computer, or talking to my friends on the phone. While in the car I blast the radio searching for songs I am familiar with and can sing along to. There has been no room made in my life for silence, contemplative prayer, or anything that will allow myself to be vulnerable in front of the Lord and allow Him to tell me what I need to work on.

Adoration? I haven't gone in so long, because I can barely sit still and quietly for five minutes. To think of doing so for an hour, putting my entire focus and effort into opening myself up to the Lord has seemed like such work, and it has also scared me. I really don't want to look at myself and see what I need to improve on because the saying is true: ignorance is bliss. Sometimes I fall into the bliss of not knowing my faults and weaknesses, and therefore not having to work on them.

But another thing this reflection pointed out to me is that by not ferreting out my predominant fault, I am allowing the world to become more disordered and sinful, because my sinful behavior affects the entire Body of Christ. I have disillusioned myself into thinking that my sins are my own. But by allowing myself to remain in my base, sinful bliss, I don't love my husband as I should, or my children, my friends, or even strangers I encounter in my daily life. This lack of effort on my part then causes others to withhold the love they need to give in their daily lives. The whole world is affected by personal sin.

That is why the Sacrament of Reconciliation is so necessary. When we sin we don't just sin against God, but against the Church as a whole. So just telling God in the privacy of our heart that we are sorry doesn't cut it. We need to be reconciled to the Church. Confessing our sins to the priest, in whom Christ is residing in the Sacrament, reconciles us to the people as well as to our God.

I had already planned on going to Confession weekly as a Lenten resolution; this chapter confirmed that decision. But this reflection made me aware of the fact that this Lent, I must simplify my life in order to make time for more prayer. I need to quiet my life in order to make room for silence. I need to let down my guard and make myself completely open to the Lord, so that I can recognize my predominant fault and the good and evil ways it manifests itself in my life..