Gaspers and Scowlers

I was at my playgroup the other day, and we were discussing different churches and women's Bible studies (not everyone there was Catholic). One of the ladies talked about why she liked her particular group: they were "real" people.

I totally understood her sentiments. She spoke about how with some Christian circles, the women were too goody-goody and were scandalized by every fault or imperfection they came across in other people, and it was a big turnoff for this particular person I was speaking with.

I have to admit that I emitted a sigh of relief with this woman, knowing I could "be real" around her. I knew I could talk about my TV-watching habits. I would not have to fret over whether or not the outfit I was wearing was modest enough. I could talk about the dinner I went to with my non-Christian friends without worry that I would be criticized for socializing with outed-homosexuals and fornicators. I could talk about my struggles with parenting, or my road-rage I let myself indudlge in on the drive over, or the magazine article I clipped out of a copy of (gasp) Glamour magazine. But not only that, I could also talk about my desire to pray or study Scripture, or to be a Godly woman without wondering if this woman would think I was a hypocrite.

I think what this woman meant by saying some people are "real people" was that there are people who are understanding of human nature. There are many people who strive for holiness daily, but who still enjoy their cocktail hour with their girlfriends, who cuss at the television while watching a football game, who indulge in a daytime soap opera during their lunch hour, who wear clothes that show a little bit of cleavage, or who do some worldy activity that isn't considered something a "good Christian" should do. And because these people acknowledge they have their own vices and imperfections, they are understanding of others who have them as well.

I think that she also meant that there are some extremely holy people out there, who seem to have it altogether and have their Christian priorities well in order, but who also behave very lovingly towards their less-than-perfect neighbors and who encourage them in their journey rather than scowl over their faulty habits.

I can honeslty admit that I once was a scowler. In my early twenties, after coming off several retreats and reading various spiritual books, I decided to shun all that was unGodly, all that didn't directly advance me on the path to holiness. I also admit I was incorrigibly judgmental of all those who did not make this same choice, and exceptionally critical of my friends who were "supposedly good Catholics" but who indulged in particular vices.

I understand that this fervent, zealous sentiment is often a phase most young Christians go through, and I am thankful that I experienced some lessons in humility and compassion and am now trying to see God in everyone before I begin looking for the devil.

But there are some people who never pass out of this phase and who have a great time sitting in groups with other like-minded Christians and talk about the worldliness and sinfulness of others in a "thank-God-I-am-not-like-that" tone. There is a definite "Us vs Them" mentality amongst these folk, with the "Us" side usually obtaining spiritual victory and emotional satisfaction over the eventual damnation of "Them". These same people are also the ones that gasp or scowl at their fellow Christians at any mention of anything deemed unGodly or wordly, and who thrive on their superiority over these imperfect people.

I wonder if these gaspers and scowlers comprehend the damage they do to the Kingdom. Do they realize that their haughtiness actually turns people away from Christianity? Do they understand that unbelievers shun anything having to do with Christ or established religion out of fear that they will also become so critical and judgemental? Do they also see that their self-righteousness stems from an insecurity and that their judgments and criticisms are essentially an effort to feel good about themselves and their progress? And do they also not see that this is a form of pride, which is supposedly the greatest of all sins?

I remember when I began to realize this in myself. I was living in Oregon at the time and we went to a very liberal parish (liberal compared to where I grew up, anyway). I came across people who were genuinely striving for holiness and who had a deeper, more genuine love for God than anything I had developed. Yet they were divorcees, former contraception users, church-goers who struggled with out-of-control children, single moms who gave birth out-of-wedlock, and other good people with not-so-perfect pasts. Here I was, a young woman married in the Church, who was a virgin 'til marriage, an NFP-user, regular Mass attendee, and everything else one can think of that would describe a "good Catholic", yet my actual love for God and His people was so lacking, so imperfect, so immature. My experiences with these holy people greatly changed my outlook on myself and my neighbors.

Once I saw how holy and devoted people with imperfections could be, I think I became much more understanding of people. I also heard these friends give testimonies of the friends, family members, or priests who loved them and encouraged them into the faith. I never once encountered a testimony where someone shared how they were shunned by a Christian and how that rejection inspried them to turn to God.

I do think there needs to be a balance between loving acceptance and speaking truth to those who are committing sins. I am hopefully achieving that balance more and more each day. And I continually struggle with overcoming the tempations to slip back into my prideful gasping & scowling ways. Reading Jesus' words helps:

And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt:

"Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. "The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: 'God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.' But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, the sinner!'
I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 18:9-14