Energizing Grace
I haven't been around lately. I've literally had three weeks of visiting family and lots of gatherings and parties to attend, with more coming this weekend as well. I tried to skim a few blogs, but there is just no way I will catch up on everyone's posts on my blogroll. Hopefully I can at least nurture my blog once or twice a week throughout the summer.
Speaking of summer, which I was hoping would be restful, I have much to do with swim lessons, Vacation Bible school, dance classes, etc. At least there isn't the constraint of having to be at all these places by 8:10 in the morning.
I've been struggling a lot with some of my relationships, but God has been really good to me by speaking truth to me in the silence. I haven't been online, or watching TV, or listening to much music, which gives me lots of time for conversation with God.
One thing revealed to me was how self-centered insecurity truly is. In some of my relationships, I have been feeling very insecure. I question every move I make, every word I say. I read into others comments or body language too much. I dwell on what others must be thinking of me, and replay situations that have happened throughout the day over and over in my head, wondering how I looked in others' eyes. And when thoughts turn negative or bitter, my first reaction is to distance myself and withhold my affections from those people.
God really showed me how this line of thinking is so self-centered and egotistical. Have I once thought of the needs of my friends? Have I thought of how I could love them or care for them? I have been thinking of how bad I feel, never once questioning whether or not they may also be experienceing some dark times, maybe even worse than mine.
It is hard to break out of oneself and "love your neighbor as yourself". And Satan uses insecurity very much in my life as a means for breaking that ever-important commandment. Sometimes we tend to be insecure and see it as a cry for some love to be thrown our way, but God has revealed to me that insecurity is a sure sign that I'm the one that needs to be throwing some love around. The trick is getting past the emotions that make me whine, "but I don't wanna!" or "I just don't feel like it."
Which brings me to yet another truth God has allowed to seep into my mind. In one of these insecure moments, I actually was trying really hard to be loving to my "neighbors", but I found myself just settling into my selfish comfort zone saying, "Lord, I just don't have the energy today to do this." And it was as if He shouted to me over an invisible loudspeaker, "If you had a consistent prayer-life and your spiritual life was better cared for, I would give you the grace AND the energy to do this." Now, that wasn't really what I wanted to hear, but He was right. Grace is such a vague, intangible term, and I don't claim to know a lot about it. But it does give us the energy we need to do the things we must, especially when it comes to loving people. Grace gives us the energy to love.
I guess my break from electraonic media has done me some good. Now if I could just put it to use in my daily life and my relationships.
Speaking of summer, which I was hoping would be restful, I have much to do with swim lessons, Vacation Bible school, dance classes, etc. At least there isn't the constraint of having to be at all these places by 8:10 in the morning.
I've been struggling a lot with some of my relationships, but God has been really good to me by speaking truth to me in the silence. I haven't been online, or watching TV, or listening to much music, which gives me lots of time for conversation with God.
One thing revealed to me was how self-centered insecurity truly is. In some of my relationships, I have been feeling very insecure. I question every move I make, every word I say. I read into others comments or body language too much. I dwell on what others must be thinking of me, and replay situations that have happened throughout the day over and over in my head, wondering how I looked in others' eyes. And when thoughts turn negative or bitter, my first reaction is to distance myself and withhold my affections from those people.
God really showed me how this line of thinking is so self-centered and egotistical. Have I once thought of the needs of my friends? Have I thought of how I could love them or care for them? I have been thinking of how bad I feel, never once questioning whether or not they may also be experienceing some dark times, maybe even worse than mine.
It is hard to break out of oneself and "love your neighbor as yourself". And Satan uses insecurity very much in my life as a means for breaking that ever-important commandment. Sometimes we tend to be insecure and see it as a cry for some love to be thrown our way, but God has revealed to me that insecurity is a sure sign that I'm the one that needs to be throwing some love around. The trick is getting past the emotions that make me whine, "but I don't wanna!" or "I just don't feel like it."
Which brings me to yet another truth God has allowed to seep into my mind. In one of these insecure moments, I actually was trying really hard to be loving to my "neighbors", but I found myself just settling into my selfish comfort zone saying, "Lord, I just don't have the energy today to do this." And it was as if He shouted to me over an invisible loudspeaker, "If you had a consistent prayer-life and your spiritual life was better cared for, I would give you the grace AND the energy to do this." Now, that wasn't really what I wanted to hear, but He was right. Grace is such a vague, intangible term, and I don't claim to know a lot about it. But it does give us the energy we need to do the things we must, especially when it comes to loving people. Grace gives us the energy to love.
I guess my break from electraonic media has done me some good. Now if I could just put it to use in my daily life and my relationships.
posted by Philothea Rose at
6:35 PM
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